i don't know what it is lately but I'm much more grounded then i once was. it take some moment though to snap out of it. i can feel most of the time that i might be slipping but i hold on to what i know is pure and that's not eating. who needs it beside to actually stay alive. that doesn't mean these selfish beings need to keep eating all the food.

 

my best friend is eating again. this is my anorexic friend. she just decided that she'd keep eating and now all she does is eat. she says its ok. its not but i have to respect her wishes and if she is getting over her demons i must support her. its just now she keeps telling me to eat. i have Finally got grounded and i feel good and she keeps doing this to me. i don't want to eat so fuck off. that's what i feel like saying.

 

    this new girl i have been hanging around with named Shawna is awesome. she told me that she was anorexic...that she suffered from it to. i felt like a pig when i was with her. she eat some cheese from a slice of pizza and that's it. i eat two slices of pizza cause i just finished my fast. that's all i eat. then we went with a couple other friends and smoked up. then we got back and i had the (shits) not joking it was like i was taking laxatives. i shitted every hour from 1am to 10 am in the morning. it was crazy i got dehydrated and almost fainted. i remember drinking from the tap to rejuvenate my self. this is the second time I've smoked pot on my period after a fast and this has happened.

 

    this weekend is going to be craze, i have to chose which party I'm attending. the won in the city with all my old friends, my friends Brenna's party with about 123 people, nice and one eating, or my friend Krystal's concert after party with a bunch of the bands coming...all my friends up in this small town. then theres the party, i call it the party because its with one of my close friends Trisha who respects my non eating ways...as long as i drink rock star with her which i hate how fruity it is. the party has cute brad that's been tyring to get his brother, my pal frank to bring me around. and it will be small and comfortable and come on its may third so we will definitely be getting high no matter were go.

 

usually i only have to choose between two party's but this time its 4.

 

it sucks because i might not be able to go to the one party where brad is because Trisha got caught skipping yesterday and well with me and her moms pist. hey i had a spear..hahaha...i couldn't get in shit and we just chilled with some of our friends in the forest so i don't know what the big deal is. but she did get suspended....stupid clown suspended her. I know her mom so she will probably let her go if she does chores...

 

well that pretty much what has been going on

 

life pretty good right now, still 100 pounds...Pepsi and tums so work to fill you up and get ride of that hunger feeling and pains....good thing Shawna told me about that...it relay does suppress hunger.